Patience, Love, Charity, Humility..Oh my gosh, what are you kids doing now?

Patience, Love, Charity, Humility..Oh my gosh, what are you kids doing now?

Well, here we are at the beginning of another week. I haven't graded the papers I brought home. I need to finish prepping for my 2 weeks teaching World War II (I wish I could get the cliff notes on each area I am teaching). Sunday, is the day of rest for me. I don't do schoolwork, prep for lessons, actually I don't do much of anything except eat and clean up from the meals.
What I have been thinking about is patience, love, charity and humility. The love, charity (most of the time) and humility I think I am doing okay with. It is the patience that is tested way too often for my liking. Patience is the elusive element that is missing from my life.
Patience works well for a few minutes. It is one of those things. Boy, do my kids know how to push my buttons. I love those days where I am centered and they don't have any power over me. Those days are awesome and I have them more and more frequently.
Patience takes practice. Unfortunately, to practice you have to have opportunity. (sometimes, I wish it didn't work like that but it does). I get lots of chances to practice.

I am not ever trying to make myself sound better than others. (so please don't think that) My family is unlike other families. Even after years with us, my kids still struggle with hoarding (food, pencils, books, paper,clothes etc...). This is a concept most of you will never deal with in your home. How do you react when your child gets up in the middle of the night and eats 2 boxes of cake mix and frosting too? Patience, yeah okay. How about when they systematically take all the food in the cupboard and hide it in their backpacks and you are left without the needed items for tonight's dinner? Patience again, yeah I know. It is hard. Of course, I can understand the reasons behind it but when you have  a backpack full of cake mix mixed with water and in no container (that's right, just mixed in the backpack) then patience doesn't usually come to mind.
Now, I have only briefly talked about one single instance and only one child but, there are 5 that struggle with hoarding.
Then, you have the breaking things, putting holes in walls, writing with permanent marker in public places, ripping clothes on purpose, destroying beds, rooms etc...  One of these happens daily.
Don't forget the wetting that is continual and during the day and night.
This is just a small sample.
But, I wanted to talk about patience amidst this craziness.
I struggle sometimes with finding the right words and doing the right thing. One thing i don't struggle with is loving these children. Maybe that is where my patience will come. It will build over time. I am sure I am doing better than I was even last week.
These things come with time. We shouldn't look at this list and say, "I need to be perfect in all of this today." This is a process. A refinement, if you will.
We are being refined so we can become the person Heavenly Father needs us to be.
How do we become refined? Well, we have to be put in the refiner's fire. How does that occur? We have to be tried and challenged. We have to have the opportunity to improve.
I have faith patience will come. If we hold on and continue to behave in a pleasing way (does that mean we can't get mad? I sure hope not) No way, it means we try to do better every second. We look at the mistake we made and try to do better next time. We make small little improvements.
Change takes time. Never forget that! Change takes time.
It is a refinement process not an instantaneous one. So hang in there.
Know that you are not alone.
It is a process. Sometimes I feel like I am being refined way to fast. I am experiencing way to much practice time. But, the truth is, I am just not there yet. I am just not where I need to be (I am sure my husband wishes I would hurry up). And that is okay.
As long as I am working towards the goal.
Don't be hard on yourself. Don't be hard on others. We are all on this journey. We are at different levels but, we all have the same goal.
SO, patience, love, humility and charity...I say "Bring it!" I am ready to be refined and that is one of the first steps. We need to be willing to make those changes but, it takes time. Don't give up and don't give in. Stay the course.

Then, you too can come through the refiner's fire perfect in all aspects of your life.







When is enough really enough?

I am writing again. I know, shocker right? I am actually avoiding some things I have to do and this is as good of a diversion as anything.

I have been wondering when enough is enough. I sometimes say, "I have had enough." or "I have taken on enough." but, I always end up taking on a little bit more and more. So, when I say "enough" what do I really mean?

I think it means, "I feel like I am overwhelmed and one more thing feels like it is going to break me." Have you ever had those kinds of feelings? Like you just couldn't take anymore?
I sure hope I am not alone in this.
I always draw strength from a spouse who is able to listen and not judge the stupidness that pours from my mouth. Sometimes, I just need to vent it out.
When I am feeling at my most overwhelmed the only way to find comfort is on my knees. Heavenly Father is willing to share the load with me. Too often we pray to take this burden from us. I think it is important to distinguish between the 2 sharing and taking. Heavenly Father can certainly take things from us. If He does than, when is our growth happening?
I am who I am today because He didn't take my trials away, He shared them with me. He eased my load when I thought I couldn't possibly do more.
He can do that for you too.
Many people ask, "How did you get so many children?" Let me assure you, this wasn't in our "master" plan. But, this was in our Master's plan for us. I have made no secret of this fact. I thought we were crazy adopting more children. Then, when we pray to know what to do, we would get the answer "you aren't done yet!" I am the first to admit it takes me some time to accept His will for me. It doesn't mean He will give me too much, it means He will stretch me and support me while I do His will.
That being said I often have cried in despair. "But, I can't take any more children."  Then, I feel the Holy Spirit touch me. I am then reminded, it isn't about you taking on more, it is about you being willing to do My will.
The bottom line is, we are His creation. Not just in the beginning. But, if we do His will He will continue to create the person He wants us to be. We are engraven upon His palms. He doesn't forget. It is us that forgets.
So, stretch yourself. It is painful, make no mistake. it is easier to be in the comfort of what we know. But, there is no fun in that! :) and more importantly no opportunity to grow and progress.

Back to our children, we trust that He will make up for our shortcomings. (Trust me, there is alot of short comings to make up for) Sometimes, I am able to do 90% of the work and some days on 20%. I definitely try my best but sometimes it is not very good. He makes up for the rest.
So, be bold! Be brave! Believe !  Trust! Growth is hard but so worth the effort.

 

Smile when life is hard. There is still joy to be found. Find it!

peace, love, acceptance and chocolate

It has not been a secret that life can hard. Certainly there is joy to be had. There are moments that we will never forget. There are memories that are imprinted on our minds that carry us through all of trials and struggles.

Life as a foster parent is one of the most rewarding things I have ever done in my life. It is also one of the most heartbreaking thing I have ever done.

We have had 63 children bless  our home in about 9 years time. Obviously, many of them have gone home or they have moved to a different foster family for a variety of reasons. There is only one child we have said wasn't a good fit for our family. This was after 2 full years of intense struggles. 

There is never a day when we don't think about these little ones. I can't name every little one but, their face is engraven upon my heart and in my mind.

That being said, "our newest little ones", have been in our home for 13 months now. Mom and Dad just couldn't pull it together. Sad, right? It really is. I feel for these parents and the loss of their little ones. I NEVER take a placement hoping I will get to adopt them. I take a placement hoping that I can influence parents and children to change their lives. I take a little one so I can protect them and love all over them. :) 

These little ones quickly become a part of your life. They always feel like "my" children, from day one. They call us mom and dad. They do everything with us. We change diapers, comfort throughout long nights, take care of them when they are sick, bathe them, feed them and everything else you do for your own children. It doesn't take long for them to fit in your family. 

These particular little ones were 2, 1 and 3 months when they came. Now they are 3, 2 and 17 months and they have been joined by a newborn sibling who is currently 9 weeks old. I am fully supportive of them being with their parents. People often think that is not the case and the state and foster parents just want to take kids away. That couldn't be farther from the truth, for my family.

Anyway, on court day, the judge announced they are moving towards adoption. The mom was understandably upset. We feel her pain. However, what happened next is on the phone was their Native American tribe. This was the 2nd time in 13 months they had been by phone for a court date. They announced they were going to take the children. Now, we knew this could happen. But, I am not sure how this is beneficial to the children. They will leave our home (not transition out) but just leave one day and move to a place where they don't know anyone. Sad right? But, this is the name of the game.

What people can't understand is the feelings that we as the foster family experience. Our feelings are often brushed aside. Everyone is concerned about the bio parents and the children but, sometimes it seems that our feelings are a "casualty of war". At this point, we and the children have bonded. Our children call the children their brothers and sisters. I know we can't take into account everyone involved but, at what point is removing them really in their best interest.

What people don't understand is this is harder than you think. This tears you apart and you grieve as you would for the loss of a child. This time they are pulling the band aid off slowly and the kids are here until the oral arguments in April. Few people know what it is like to see children everyday that they know they are going to lose and never see again in this earthly life.

I know you can say, "well you knew this could happen when you took the kids". You are right I did. But, I can't turn off the emotion and love that come with it. I would rather suffer than be a robot taking kids and not caring about them.

I draw peace and comfort through my knowledge of Heavenly Father's plan for us. I truly believe we experience what we need too. I know He doesn't give us anything we can't handle. I know the many truths of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I can't imagine His pain when He loses one of his precious little ones. But, if it is even a 1/16 of what I am feeling...

When we are struggling, we turn to many things to find peace. We cling to anything that gives us hope and comfort. The trick is to not be deceived by those things that bring us temporary comfort and those things that will bring us eternal comfort. You need to always strive to know that Heavenly Father loves you and loves them. He will make things right in the end. The little ones will know eventually, that we loved them unconditionally and that they left because of other peoples choices and not ours. We will see them again one day and our eyes will be opened to the understanding of why this happened. 

Until then, we will continue to pray for them and love them. We will grieve and our hearts will ache daily and eventually the pain will lessen a little at a time for them and us. Hopefully, the love and safety we were able to provide for them will allow them to have a healthier start in their lives. 

Please don't discount the pain we are experiencing. It is heartfelt and overwhelming. Sometimes when I am putting the little one to bed, she clings to me and her left leg slowly kicks against my stomach and the tears flow freely down my face. This is my baby and she will think that I am the one who abandoned her. The heartache is so intense I almost can't swallow.

But, then I remind myself for the 8,000 time. The Lord has a plan for us. He understands our pain and theirs. He will bring us comfort if we rely on the strength of His arm. Finally, in the end everything will be corrected. Love and healing will happen for all involved. 

Until that time....bye my littles until we meet again my sweet babies. Mommy and Daddy will always love you.

Moving on..forward...ahead or whatever

Moving on
hmm, this is a recurring thought for me. recently, I attended the funeral of my sweet niece, 11 year old Maddie. I have thought about what it takes to move forward after a great tragedy. I have thought about moving past my past. I have reflected on moving past my kids behaviors and seeing my family as a family and not as a therapists dream. :)
Moving on, is easier said than done. Logically, I can see that there are times that I need to have a do over, or reset. I can see that but letting go is hard. Doing the letting go and moving forward? even harder.
I have been known to hold a grudge. I disliked that horribly, in myself. So, I have worked for years on letting go and moving forward. Guess what? the amazing thing is I actually felt good inside when I was able to let go of hurt, anger, frustration. Easy? I don't think so! worth it? Absolutely.

One of the hardest parts of experiencing a tragedy is people telling you they are sorry. I know people mean well, they really truly do but, I am not sorry.
These moments make me.
They build me up.
These experiences make me stronger than I ever thought to be.
Sorry? doesn't even begin to touch it. I am so thankful.
Weird, right?
But, I can really say this "I AM THANKFUL".
I have faced unfairness, bitterness, blame, anger, hate, frustration, misery, hurt, loss and so much more.
And guess what? I have prevailed. Not only prevailed but, I have learned how to deal with these emotions. I have learned how to help myself and others.
That makes me strong.
Moving on takes courage. Moving on takes strength. Moving forward takes a person willing to see the bigger picture. Moving ahead takes someone resilient enough to bend and flow with change.
Am I happy these things happen? No way. However, I understand that all of these experiences are for my good. They are for me to improve.
When we are able to look at life in this way, happiness and joy are quick to follow. That is because, you are able to see clearly,
"I have this trial but, in the end, I am going to be a better person for it".
Peace and contentment will follow and your misfortune will pass. Slow as molassess sometimes but, it WILL pass.
Thankfully, we don't live in this misery forever.
whatever you have to do to bring peace happiness in your life, do it!
Forgiveness comes
Respect that we don't know what someone else has gone through and what they have lived through to shape them.
keep in mind that experiences can be good or bad depending on how you view them.

So, move on...move ahead and move forward.
Goodness awaits you.

Challenges

Well, I have been so busy that I haven't had time to write. But, I have been reflecting on the challenges that we all have. If only it was as easy as reading that sign and knowing that a particular challenge was coming my way soon. :)
Now, I enjoy the blessing of being a mom. This is both a blessing and a great challenge. The challenge comes when I can't keep my emotions from mixing with my kids. They also test your patience and their boundaries. Some days I want to hang my head and say "enough". there are days when I literally feel that I can not take one more thing.
Then, the moment is over and I am able to pick myself back up and go forward with faith.
Challenges come in many different forms and in many different ways. Some of us experience physical challenges. Some, emotional challenges. Some, mental challenges. Some a mixture of a few of these. There are many different kinds financial, jobs....well, you get the picture.
I am experiencing a big challenge right now. It might not seem so to you but to me it is huge. My challenge has been time or lack thereof. There does not seem to be enough time to do all that needs to be done or I simply don't have another ounce of energy to spare.
The light does come, you know. Sometimes you have to experience a longer challenge because you really need to learn the lesson behind the challenge. Don't lose faith. Don't lose hope. The light will come. There is a song I love so much, here are the words:
The message of this moment is so clear;
And as certain as the rising of the sun.
If your world is filled with darkness doubt and fear,
Just hold on, Hold on; the light will come.
Ev'ryone who's ever tried and failed
Stands much taller when the victory's won.
And those who've been in darkness for a while
Kneel much longer when the light has come.

It's a lesson ev'ry one of us must learn;
That the answers never come without a fight.
And when it seems you've struggled far too long,
Just hold on, hold on; there will be light.

Hold on. Hold on. The light will come.

When you feel trapped inside a never-ending night.
If you've forgotten how it feels to feel the light,
If you're half crazy thinking you're the only one
Who's afraid the light will never really come

Just hold on. Hold on! The light will come.

The message of this moment is so clear;
And as certain as the rising of the sun.
If your world is filled with darkness doubt and fear.
Just hold on, hold on, the light will come

Know that we all have our own challenges and struggles and we can be a support and strength to those around us, if we can share.
Sometimes, the message is "lose yourself in service to others and you forget about yourself"
When challenges enter your life, remember you are not alone. You are a warrior for the Lord. Lose yourself in Him and your self doubts and struggles will seem bearable.
When you see those around you know that they have similar thoughts and feelings that you do. You may think my challenge is easy but to me....
Love those around you. Stand Strong in your faith. Believe that the Lord will make those challenges bearable, He will share your burden. He may not let it go entirely but, He will make it manageable.

The real deal

This one is rather personal but, I thought I would share a day in my (ideal )life , it doesn't always happen this way. (not that anyone cares but, these blogs are more for me than anyone else)
We get up bright and early every morning (although the kiddos are sleeping until almost 7:15)
Then I say my morning prayer, ride my stationary bike a grueling 2 miles (hey, when you are out of shape any excercise seems grueling. Personal scripture study (hopefully) and the day gets off running. we have medicines to dole out, breakfast to eat, family scripture and prayer time, morning chores, and kids getting dressed, teeth brushed, hair done, beds made, rooms picked up, 3 diapers changed 3 small kiddos dressed.
Now, if I can make it through all of this (usually we are done by 9:30) without arguing with someone (next to impossible), raising my voice (which happens too often for my liking) or dealing with food hoarding, rough housing, screaming children (there are some little ones here), stealing, then it has been a good morning. .But, I usually deal with more than a few of them.
next, is to start laundry, scoop the dog poo out of the backyard, watch John work for a bit, check FB :), changing sheets (for some beds), putting laundry away, doing morning dishes this is amidst the cries for attention, the cries of can I ...?can I ....?can I...? he is touching me, he is tackling me, I am getting hit witha  pillow, laughter, giggles and hugs and kisses. then, we hit 11 am.

There is no comparison in our lives. We all have specific talents and then, Heavenly Father gives us a little more to extend our talents so that we can carry out His will. The thing is, I love my life. You wouldn't know it if you came over sometimes but, there is no place I would rather be than in the chaos noise and confusion of my life.
Now, just so you know, it is not as chaotic as you might think and mostly, I am a director of things that need to happen. The house isn't always clean (well, it is on Wed. nights when our fabulous Amy comes and cleans for me). So, if you want to see a clean house come after 9pm on Wed. cause that is about as long as it lasts. :)
I get frustrated, I mean really? why does no one flush the toliet, put toliet paper on a roll, turn off a light or close an exterior door? I just thought that was common sense, guess not.
I eat frosting from a spoon and ice cream from the container. I am lucky to get a shower and dressed some days. I drink CF diet coke by the 2 liter (quick). I read books when I can and would eat out every night if I could. (I am a burger/pizza girl no exotic taste buds here just kid ones)

Life throws us twists, turns and curves. It picks us up and drops us down. But, where are we emotionally when that happens? Do we still have faith, do we still trust in Heavenly Father's plan? Or do we give up and complain about our lot, and why me?

Then, after a full day of hashing out problems and stopping arguments, gently and lovingly correcting our children (I wish), cleaning up the spills, changing the last diaper (for an hour), taking out the trash, cleaning up a dirty house and cleaning it up again and repeating myself for a hundereth time. It is bedtime. we say prayers, we read a book, we give hugs and kisses, (i wish I could say we tuck in but, I am usually just too tired, sometimes I make it though). The house becomes quiet. I write a paper, while talking to John and eating ice cream (from a bowl, i promise) the sound of silence reigns. I can hear myself think, I can stay in the bathroom as long as I want, I can read my scriptures or listen to a general conference talk (the option is there, I mean).
While silence reigns and peace presides all I can think about is, while I love the quiet it is too quiet and I miss my kiddos. John and I kneel down and say a prayer thanking the Lord for a great day full of safety and joy. Then, we fall asleep (after sharing a few of the more humorous moments from the day and some shared  chuckles and laughter).
In the morning we happily wake (okay not really happily but, I do manage to get up) eager (might be streching that a bit) to see the kids and see what today will bring, all the while thanking Heavenly Father for providing me with so much more than i deserve.

Partnership

Well, with my husband gone for a week I have been thinking a lot about partnerships.
I am thinking specifically of husband/wife partnerships.
I have been blessed to enjoy a great partnership with my husband for 21 years.That doesn't mean each and every one of those days have been shared in an equal partnership. Some day, he has to take up the extra slack and some days it is me who has too.
That is what a partnership is. Webster defines it as "A relationship between individuals or groups that is characterized by mutual cooperation and responsibility, as for the achievement of a specified goal."
Well, that is certainly true in my life. We, as parents and spouses, are reaching for a specified goal. Your goal is probably different than mine. That is okay. But, we (your family) are working together to reach the shared goal that we have established.
I am also in a partnership with Heavenly Father. John and I have a shared partnership that is together and seperate from each other. That is interesting. I have goals that are mine alone and John and I have shared goals.
there is never one person dominate over another in this type of partnership. The definition states a mutual cooperation and responsibility. Never should one person "rule or reign" over another. There should be a shared trust, a shared life together, a shared opportunity to grow and meet our goals together.
So, basically, I guess what I am trying to say is how grateful I am to have those shared responsibilities. It takes a lot of work in  marriage. It is hard work raising a family. The reason is because they are both so important. There is nothing on this Earth more important than these familial relationships. they are not always perfect, they are not always fun but they are so essential.
I love reading "The Family A proclamation to the World" the three paragraphs that I am going to quote explain my thoughts on marriage and family:


Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.
The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.
We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.


When I read this, I realize how important a family is to Heavenly Father's plan for me. In a world with constantly changing values, family life is often attacked viciously. It just testifies to me how important family life is.
Partnerships that are based on love, mutual respect and trust are the foundations that we lay for our children. Having grown up in a divorced home, I realize more than ever how much that "scarred" me. The decision to divorce was neccessary and I don't condemn it but there are many times we throw our realtionships away because we don't want to work on it. It is too hard. Well, you are right. it is hard because there is such value in the return. If we endure and try to get rid of our prideful nature, we can make marriages and families work.
Whenever I get upset, I have noticed that it mostly boils down to pridefulness, for me. I don't get the time to do....When will it be my turn to...why does that family seem to get everything while i have to...
I see the effects that a destruction of a family creates.I see it every day. Our families are worth our best effort. When we are tired or discouraged try harder. Don't give up. It is never hopeless.
I treasure my 3 way partnership. Cause, I tell you, I could not do this alone. Nor, will I ever have to because of my relationship with a loving Heavenly Father.