I feel like I live in a soap opera sometimes. I sometimes have a hard time separating the important from the unimportant.
Which "things" should I continue to harp on my kids for? The list seems long and endless.
Clean your room
Brush your teeth
Take a shower
Make your bed
Do your chore
turn off the TV and engage your brain
Do your homework
Pay attention in church
Pay attention at school
Please just pay attention
Don't be mean
Don't call names
No pushing!
No swearing
No hitting
You can't date until you are 16
Make good choices
Be a builder not a wrecking machine
Stay focused on the temple
Stay morally and physically clean
Well, I am sure you know the drill. What is important? What truly matters? If the kids don't have clean rooms does that make them and me slothful?Is this the real reason? If my kids don't act a certain way, do people see that as a reflection of poor parenting?
Am I being judged? Am I more concerned with what people think than how my kids will turn out?
I am forever apologizing for a dirty home, messy hair, messy kids, poor behavior in my children etc...
What is the deeper issue?
I think it is that I see these issues as a reflection of me. I somehow tie my kids issues to my self worth and problems.
Part of the problem for me, is I feel people have a certain stereotype of large families. I feel like if my home is dirty, I fall into that stereotype. Quite frankly, I am better than that.
If my kids are dirty or have messy hair, I feel like people are judging me, "Oh she has too many kids".
This really boils down to me and my self esteem. I would love to be one of the people who can laugh it off or it doesn't affect them. But for me, it does affect me. I can laugh it off at the time or pretend i don't care but deep down it feels like I don't measure up. It feels like I reinforce my own weakness. I hear in my head, "See, you really aren't good enough."
The problem comes if and when I perpetuate those thoughts, feelings, and emotions in my children.
Am i subconsciously letting them know that they aren't good enough, that they will never measure up?
I think we need to be very careful not to confuse our issues with our childrens. I think we need to make sure our children don't have the same self esteem issues that we do.
Since I believe in honesty, even when it hurts, I need to share something that happened this weekend. We had a rough weekend. There were kids who were outright defiant. Kids who were being mean. Kids who were full of their teenage attitudes. Enough said, right?
well, John asked me to tell him something they had done well this weekend. I couldn't think of anything significant. I could have given you a long list of what each child had done wrong but, I couldn't focus on the good they did.
Such is the life I lead. Sometimes, I am so focused on the problem at hand that I can't see or acknowledge the non problems we experience.
My kids are good kids. If I ever have a doubt I watch "Supernanny or Nanny 911". I am so glad I don't experience those types of problems. :/
It is time I focused on the good. I told my kids these weekend that we are the warriors. We were saved for these turbulent times because we could prevail. I was supposed to come to earth at this time so I could parent the children that could endure and withstand all of the garbage around them. They are some of the Lord's most valiant. He has saved these special strong, warrior spirits to fight the constant battles around them. When we argue, fight, belittle, talk back, or are slothful we are handing Satan a piece of our family. I told them I am just as guilty as they are sometimes. It is time we became the warriors Heavenly Father needs us to be. It is time we allow our home to become a refuge from all of the problems that beset the world today.
It reminds me of this talk by Ezra Taft Benson
http://www.latterdayconservative.com/ezra-taft-benson/a-plea-to-strengthen-our-families/
Today is the day we take back our families. Today is the day we focus on the good. the uplifting. The positive.
Today is the day we work on strengthening our children and our homes so only the best of feelings preside.It is up to us to change our world by changing our family. Because "the family is central to the Creator's plan". It is time we were the voices that sound louder than unmoral and corrupt.
What are you going to do to take back your family?
"As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."
Showing posts with label lds. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lds. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
Friday, December 19, 2014
Thankless job of motherhood?
I will be the first to admit. I have always heard that motherhood is a thankless job. I have thought it myself. I have been a mom for just over 22 years. Has it been an easy road? No.
But thankless? This job is not thankless.
I came downstairs this morning to a kitchen that was a mess. The counters had food on them. There were neighbor treat crumbs on them too. Both sinks were full of dishes. The diaper bag was emptied and the items all over the kitchen. the floor needed to be swept. It was trashed.
Then, i moved on to the laundry room. I swear, I did not know people wore that many clothes in a day. *sigh* I did around 9 loads of laundry yesterday and I have another 5/6 today. On average, we do at least 6 a day. Today, it has to be folded and put away, as well.
The floors need to be swept and vacuumed.The bathrooms need to be cleaned. The kids need to clean their rooms. John and I cleaned our room this morning. This new room has become the hang out place for the kids. (I love that part.) The part I don't like is the mess they leave behind after they are done up there. The yard needs to be cleaned. Well, you get the idea.
Does anyone rush up to me and say, "Thank you mom for doing those dishes." "thank you mom for vacumming the carpets" "Thank you mom for sweeping the floors, cleaning the bathroom, scooping the dog poo"? Well, no. So, i guess in that regard it is a thankless job.
do any of kids say Thank you when they are disciplined and have to repent, apologize and try and make it right? No they don't.
As I came downstairs this morning, saw my list of things to do being made for me, I sighed. My shoulders slumped. My husband said, "What's wrong?" I said, "nothing". I put the baby in my Moby wrap. (which is the best thing ever invented). Then,I got to work. I don't think I have to include this but I am sure you know what it is like to clean a house with 4 toddlers and a baby. (That is a blog for another day)
Anyway, as I was cleaning, I thought "this IS a thankless job". Then, I thought about it some more. Do I really require someone to thank me for doing every aspect of my job? DOes my husband have someone thank him for stapling his papers, emptying his trash at work, going to work to do his job ? No. He does have people tell him thank you when he talks to them, goes to their home or talks them through some issues they may be having. But then, I have people who thank me for doing things too. Just not necessarily about motherhood.
What I realized is my job is far from a thankless one. My thank yous come in different ways. They come from children who can be children and not have to worry about the mess of a home. (They do have to help clean it. But, there is no deep nasty messiness) Kids that are allowed to go play outside and laugh.
My thank yous come later. They come in the form of a son who has a home of his own and keeps it cleaned up. (because he learned how to do it from me) A daughter who teaches her son games and songs that I taught her and my mom taught me. I get my thanks when children are older and they come home to visit and say "Thank you mom for everything". "I love you mom very much".
My Thanks will come when my Savior says " Matthew 25: 21 His lord said unto him, Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord.
why do I need thanks? well, I don't exactly. I don't need a bunch of people walking around saying "Oh thank you mom for________" Quite frankly, I probably wouldn't believe them if they said it. As it is, I don't always believe people when I am issued a compliment. (Again, a post for another day)
I just would like acknowledgment that I am noticed. That I am loved and appreciated for my daily, sometimes tedious life.
But, then I realize I get that. Just not verbally. I have a kids who I love to cuddle with when they wake up and are still sleepy. A husband that doesn't have to worry (well, I hope he doesn't) about the work he will have to do when he gets home. He knows and can be comforted that they house isn't falling completely apart. And if it is today, then a strawberry banana shake is in order. (medium, please. ;))
I have to look for acknowledgment of my job in various subtle ways. I also need to feel at peace with a job that is like the movie Groundhog Day. It doesn't change until I get it right. Since, I will probably never get it perfectly right, this is what I can expect for a long time.
And you know what, I am okay with that. Because I have a job to do. One of the most important jobs that anyone could ever have. That of being a mother. I shape and mold our future leaders. I help our future teachers, vets, builders, soldiers etc... to become the people we need them to be in these latter days.
So, a thankless job? Maybe, for now. But later. Much later, is when the thank yous come pouring in and I will know that I have done my job. And I have done it well. Not perfectly mind you. But well. To the best of my ability. Then, on those days I will wish for little hands to be messing up my walls, piles of laundry and dirty dishes because it will mean I am with my family. And I am always so thankful for that.
But thankless? This job is not thankless.
I came downstairs this morning to a kitchen that was a mess. The counters had food on them. There were neighbor treat crumbs on them too. Both sinks were full of dishes. The diaper bag was emptied and the items all over the kitchen. the floor needed to be swept. It was trashed.
Then, i moved on to the laundry room. I swear, I did not know people wore that many clothes in a day. *sigh* I did around 9 loads of laundry yesterday and I have another 5/6 today. On average, we do at least 6 a day. Today, it has to be folded and put away, as well.
The floors need to be swept and vacuumed.The bathrooms need to be cleaned. The kids need to clean their rooms. John and I cleaned our room this morning. This new room has become the hang out place for the kids. (I love that part.) The part I don't like is the mess they leave behind after they are done up there. The yard needs to be cleaned. Well, you get the idea.
Does anyone rush up to me and say, "Thank you mom for doing those dishes." "thank you mom for vacumming the carpets" "Thank you mom for sweeping the floors, cleaning the bathroom, scooping the dog poo"? Well, no. So, i guess in that regard it is a thankless job.
do any of kids say Thank you when they are disciplined and have to repent, apologize and try and make it right? No they don't.
As I came downstairs this morning, saw my list of things to do being made for me, I sighed. My shoulders slumped. My husband said, "What's wrong?" I said, "nothing". I put the baby in my Moby wrap. (which is the best thing ever invented). Then,I got to work. I don't think I have to include this but I am sure you know what it is like to clean a house with 4 toddlers and a baby. (That is a blog for another day)
Anyway, as I was cleaning, I thought "this IS a thankless job". Then, I thought about it some more. Do I really require someone to thank me for doing every aspect of my job? DOes my husband have someone thank him for stapling his papers, emptying his trash at work, going to work to do his job ? No. He does have people tell him thank you when he talks to them, goes to their home or talks them through some issues they may be having. But then, I have people who thank me for doing things too. Just not necessarily about motherhood.
What I realized is my job is far from a thankless one. My thank yous come in different ways. They come from children who can be children and not have to worry about the mess of a home. (They do have to help clean it. But, there is no deep nasty messiness) Kids that are allowed to go play outside and laugh.
My thank yous come later. They come in the form of a son who has a home of his own and keeps it cleaned up. (because he learned how to do it from me) A daughter who teaches her son games and songs that I taught her and my mom taught me. I get my thanks when children are older and they come home to visit and say "Thank you mom for everything". "I love you mom very much".
My Thanks will come when my Savior says " Matthew 25: 21 His lord said unto him, Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord.
why do I need thanks? well, I don't exactly. I don't need a bunch of people walking around saying "Oh thank you mom for________" Quite frankly, I probably wouldn't believe them if they said it. As it is, I don't always believe people when I am issued a compliment. (Again, a post for another day)
I just would like acknowledgment that I am noticed. That I am loved and appreciated for my daily, sometimes tedious life.
But, then I realize I get that. Just not verbally. I have a kids who I love to cuddle with when they wake up and are still sleepy. A husband that doesn't have to worry (well, I hope he doesn't) about the work he will have to do when he gets home. He knows and can be comforted that they house isn't falling completely apart. And if it is today, then a strawberry banana shake is in order. (medium, please. ;))
I have to look for acknowledgment of my job in various subtle ways. I also need to feel at peace with a job that is like the movie Groundhog Day. It doesn't change until I get it right. Since, I will probably never get it perfectly right, this is what I can expect for a long time.
And you know what, I am okay with that. Because I have a job to do. One of the most important jobs that anyone could ever have. That of being a mother. I shape and mold our future leaders. I help our future teachers, vets, builders, soldiers etc... to become the people we need them to be in these latter days.
So, a thankless job? Maybe, for now. But later. Much later, is when the thank yous come pouring in and I will know that I have done my job. And I have done it well. Not perfectly mind you. But well. To the best of my ability. Then, on those days I will wish for little hands to be messing up my walls, piles of laundry and dirty dishes because it will mean I am with my family. And I am always so thankful for that.
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