The Mundane and the Beautiful

I feel like I live in a soap opera sometimes. I sometimes have a hard time separating the important from the unimportant.
Which "things" should I continue to harp on my kids for? The list seems long and endless.
Clean your room
Brush your teeth
Take a shower
Make your bed
Do your chore
turn off the TV and engage your brain
Do your homework
Pay attention in church
Pay attention at school
Please just pay attention
Don't be mean
Don't call names
No pushing!
No swearing
No hitting
You can't date until you are 16
Make good choices
Be a builder not a wrecking machine
Stay focused on the temple
Stay morally and physically clean
Well, I am sure you know the drill. What is important? What truly matters? If the kids don't have clean rooms does that make them and me slothful?Is this the real reason? If my kids don't act a certain way, do people see that as a reflection of poor parenting?
Am I being judged? Am I more concerned with what people think than how my kids will turn out?
I am forever apologizing for a dirty home, messy hair, messy kids, poor behavior in my children etc...
What is the deeper issue?
 I think it is that I see these issues as a reflection of me. I somehow tie my kids issues to my self worth and problems.
Part of the problem for me, is I feel people have a certain stereotype of large families. I feel like if my home is dirty, I fall into that stereotype. Quite frankly, I am better than that.
If my kids are dirty or have messy hair, I feel like people are judging me, "Oh she has too many kids".
This really boils down to me and my self esteem. I would love to be one of the people who can laugh it off or it doesn't affect them. But for me, it does affect me. I can laugh it off at the time or pretend i don't care but deep down it feels like I don't measure up. It feels like I reinforce my own weakness. I hear in my head, "See, you really aren't good enough."
The problem comes if and when I perpetuate those thoughts, feelings, and emotions in my children.
Am i subconsciously letting them know that they aren't good enough, that they will never measure up?
I think we need to be very careful not to confuse our issues with our childrens. I think we need to make sure our children don't have the same self esteem issues that we do.
Since I believe in honesty, even when it hurts, I need to share something that happened this weekend. We had a rough weekend. There were kids who were outright defiant. Kids who were being mean. Kids who were full of their teenage attitudes. Enough said, right?
well, John asked me to tell him something they had done well this weekend. I couldn't think of anything significant. I could have given you a long list of what each child had done wrong but, I couldn't focus on the good they did.
Such is the life I lead. Sometimes, I am so focused on the problem at hand that I can't see or acknowledge the non problems we experience.
My kids are good kids. If I ever have a doubt I watch "Supernanny or Nanny 911". I am so glad I don't experience those types of problems. :/
It is time I focused on the good. I told my kids these weekend that we are the warriors. We were saved for these turbulent times because we could prevail. I was supposed to come to earth at this time so I could parent the children that could endure and withstand all of the garbage around them. They are some of the Lord's most valiant. He has saved these special strong, warrior spirits to fight the constant battles around them. When we argue, fight, belittle, talk back, or are slothful we are handing Satan a piece of our family. I told them I am just as guilty as they are sometimes. It is time we became the warriors Heavenly Father needs us to be. It is time we allow our home to become a refuge from all of the problems that beset the world today.
It reminds me of this talk by Ezra Taft Benson
http://www.latterdayconservative.com/ezra-taft-benson/a-plea-to-strengthen-our-families/

Today is the day we take back our families. Today is the day we focus on the good. the uplifting. The positive.
Today is the day we work on strengthening our children and our homes so only the best of feelings preside.It is up to us to change our world by changing our family. Because "the family is central to the Creator's plan". It is time we were the voices that sound louder than unmoral and corrupt.
What are you going to do to take back your family?
"As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."

Faith, Trust and Pixie Dust

There are many htings I want to write about today. So, this post may be random and disjointed but, it is how I think and this is my blog, so...
       First on my list? Marriage. I have been thinking a lot about the blessings of marriage. I am grateful for the opportunity i have been given to be with John all of these years. They have been awesome years. I really can't believe I have been married for so long. John and I see so many things through the same eyes. It is incredible. We also have differences (a lot of them). But, I sure wouldn't change the progress we have made together. I am lucky to have someone who loves children. He doesn't mind taking care of them. He doesn't mind taking care of the house, yard or whatever else has to be done. I love that! He likes taking the kids to the cabin by himself. Not for praise from others but because he recognizes I need some time to myself. He is just amazing. I come up with some crazy ideas sometimes, and he quietly listens (probably hoping/praying I will change my mind). He supports and encourages my dreams even at the cost of his own sanity. :/ How did I ever find someone who believes in me so much? How did I ever get so blessed?
      Second, I have been having some issues and I feel it is time I made a stand. I have wrestled with this decision for a long time. Anxiety creeps into my gut as I even write this. (afraid of the backlash) Here are my thoughts. I love people. I don't care what your color is, what your religion is, what your problems or hang ups are...I just LOVE people. Currently, there is much being said about same sex marriage. I feel it is time I make a stand. I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints. I make no apologies for my religious views and preferences. I have many friends and family members who are either living in a same sex relationship or have been married. My views are, what you do in your life is personal and up to you. I make too many mistakes to judge someone on their choices. You have the right to decide how you want to live. I will continue to love and respect you. It is almost taboo right now to speak against same sex marriage. People can be funny. They want "equal rights and opportunities" but if you oppose this, you are evil and wrong etc... I admire people for being a voice for their beliefs. There is no need to bash or get ugly with varying opinions. So in this, we will have to agree to disagree and move on. I have to say, I don't support same sex marriage. This is a personal choice and decision I have come to on my own. I do follow the counsel given to me by my church leaders but, ultimately my decisions are mine. They are not because someone has told me what to think or do. We all need to take a stand on what we believe. We all need to be a voice for change and good. We even need to stand up if we will ultimately stand alone. I love and respect your opinion and I hope you will be kind and gracious and accept mine.
      Finally, life is hard! There are certainly joyous moments but, there are many difficult trials too. Perfection in our mortal life doesn't exist. I am sorry, everyone has problems. What we do with our problems is what makes us who we are. It is time we accepted responsibility for ourselves. It is time we start learning to love the person we have been, who we are now, and who we are becoming. So what if you are overweight? Does that give you any less value than a thin person? Nope. Love yourself. Love who you are. Love the journey you are on. Enjoy the hard road and be grateful when an easier road comes along. Laugh more. Play more. Enjoy more. The treasures in life are not what you have gained financially but, what you gain eternally. Take time to have those moments in life you will cherish forever. Find joy in your journey. Find the uniqueness in yourself. Find the happiness within. This life will lead you on an incredible journey if you let it.
     one final thought...your perfection is different from mine. embrace our differences. we complement each other. it takes all kinds. we are equal. we are what makes our country, community and family strong. improve on that strength and you will be able to feel the joy and love that is waiting for you.

Moments

My oldest child was married this weekend. My oldest son took leave this weekend and surprised me for a 38 hour visit. Aleceeya took care of the little guys for me for 2 days. It was an amazing weekend.
My thoughts have run the gamut this week along with my emotions.
My daughter is no longer solely mine. I have to share her now with her husband. My role in her life has shifted. UGH! That is painful.
At the same time, I share in her joy. Wow...

I have a son who sacrificed so much to try and visit me and surprise me for the weekend. I wasn't expecting that at all. When he walked in through the front door, I thought I was seeing things. I couldn't believe I had the privilege of seeing him again. It reminds me of what it will feel like to see Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ again. I wish I could express the utter sense of joy and love that I felt in that one small moment.
Moments...I guess that is what I have been thinking about.
Moments in time.
This moment was beautiful. All i wanted to do was hug my son and I was granted that privilege again. Know that when your children get bigger it is harder. They leave, they come back, they have problems that you can't solve. They are a part of you and yet they have their own life to lead seperately from you. that is very hard. You are not the center anymore.
So, back to moments.
There are moments in our lives when you feel like you can not bear the weight of your trials another second.
There are moments of such pure joy that you think life could not get any better.
There are moments filled with such regret that you are not sure you can make things right.
Moments of heartache, moments of peace, contentment, happiness, and perfection.
Each and every moment, though, is an opportunity to re-evaluate what life is about and how to achieve this feeling again or how to improve so I don't feel this way again.
To often we strive for that moment of perfection. What we don't realize is that trying to attain perfection is not necessary to have a great life. The only perfect person was the Savior. Even He didn't experience a perfect life. But, he did have moments. Just like we do.
Moments that remind us that this is why we are here.
I had a few moments this past weekend when I thought, "I have been blessed with so much more than I deserve. This is what my life can be like everyday as I strive to return to my Heavenly Father". It was a glimpse or a moment of the pure love of Christ. I felt that love by being blessed to have all of my children with me for a few days.
It was overwhelming. I am not sure my mortal body could experience that depth of love and emotion everyday. I certainly would like to try and that is why we have moments.
What is your moment?

Let Them Be Little

I can remember when you fit in the palm of my hand.
You felt so good in it; no bigger than a minute.
How it amazes me you're changin' with every blink.
Faster than a flower blooms, they grow up all too soon.

So let them be little,
'Cause they're only that way for a while.
Give 'em hope, give them praise,
Give them love every day.
Let 'em cry, let 'em giggle,
Let 'em sleep in the middle,
Oh, but let them be little.

I never felt so much in one little tender touch.
I live for those kisses, your prayers an' your wishes.
An' now you're teachin' me how only a child can see.
Tonight, while we're on our knees, all I ask is:

Please, let them be little,
'Cause they're only that way for a while.
Give them hope, give them praise,
Give them love every day.
Let 'em cry, let 'em giggle,
Let 'em sleep in the middle,
Oh, but let them be little.

The so innocent, precious soul:
You turn around, an' it's time to let them go.

So let them be little,
'Cause they're only that way for a while.
Give them hope, give 'em praise,
Give them love every day.
Let 'em cry, let 'em giggle,
Let them sleep in the middle,
Oh, but let them be little.

Let them be little.

I have been listening to this song lately by Billy dean. I always thought my young children would never grow up. I thought they would be little forever. I had my friends tell me to "enjoy this because they grow up so fast". I thought "Really? when? cause you have no idea what it is like. "
Now that 3 of my children are graduated and "on their own", I have to say they were right.
I rushed and rushed and while I enjoyed them, I am not sure I appreciated the simple joy they bring to my life.
I have the chance to change that with 15 children still under 13. This time I am trying to enjoy them more. I spend more time cuddling and less time mopping.
I spend more time playing cats cradle and less worrying about making dinner.
I like to sit and read witha  child or two cuddled up with me than worry about getting the laundry done.
I don't always do great with this because I like to live in a clean house too.
It is fun to be the one they come to when they have good grades to share and funny stories that happened at school.
I was so busy trying to teach them how to do things that would make them more independent that I forgot to let them be little more.
Now, my oldest will be married in a few days with a little one of her own on the way. I will encourage her to let me enjoy this little one. I hope I can instill the importance of enjoying the moments that happen with her little ones.
The Lord put so much into our little ones. I have a beautiful little one now that smiles at me whenever we make eye contact. Her whole body smiles and I can't help but be overwhelemed with love, joy and peace when I see that.
I know that my other children had the same effect on me but I have forgotten among the arguing, dirty looks, and rebelliousness that occurs as the seek their independence.
It isn't coincidence that you have the life you do with your little ones. You were entrusted by the Lord to raise them. this is no small committment ore responsibility. You can be assured that problems will happen at every age.
I was telling John that I wish the biggest problem I had with my older children was a dirty diaper ir messy cupboards. I would trade it back. I can't do that though. i have to figure out these older ages just like I had to figure out the younger ones.

Enjoy the age they are. It doesn't mean that you have to be happy that they have drawn on the walls, or emptied the toliet paper roll AGAIN, or that they flushed the remote but, I promise there is humor to be found if you look for it.
Laugh, lay and play with your babies because I promise, "they will grow up so fast and you will wish for this time again". We are always looking ahead that we sometimes miss what is right in front of us. We think " i have to teach them this now because later..." That is true. But, it doesn't all have to be about formal teaching. You are teaching so much more when we enjoy their success, find humor in the mess and relax with them.
You are so important in your childs life. I do promise that you will forget the messes they created and you will wistfully reflect on their cuteness and what you did together. You are raising the whole child not just a part.
Love them more and Let Them be Little....as long as you can.

How do you define service?

So, I was at the Geneva Heights Family History Library last night. I have been our wards Family History Consultant for 8 years now. (I think I have almost beat the Stake President).
I volunteer there on the 2nd, 4th and 5th Sundays. I love it! I started off with a a couple of hundred names in my family history, now I have 3,000. That is a good chunk of names.
Anyway, the last 2 Sundays I have been working on indexing. Last Sunday, I indexed part of the 1940 census (as an aside, one of the easiest I have ever indexed). Last night, I indexed World War II draft registration cards. That was fun. I registered a whole bunch of Chinese men who were living in the United States. Sorry, I digress.
A young lady came in wanting to get started on her Family History. She was looking for a connection for her great grandmother. She was trying to find out if the record she had was the right lady. Well, we found out it wasn't. Then, we found several records that were and that listed additional siblings (she didn't know about) and her great great grandmother lived next door so, we were able to get a jump start on the next generation for her. All thanks to the Census records.
Now, a person could obviously see that this is service. It made me feel great to help her. She was so excited that this could be the person  they have been looking for.
I started thinking about service. i do service everyday. Not formally but, every meal I make, every diaper I change, every item I pick up is service.
I don't look at my day to day life as doing service. I think of it more like my job. I felt so much joy, as I usually do, when I provided her with some service. I should be feeling that same joy at home if I look at my life as a service mission.Have you ever heard anyone talk about their mission like this,"gosh! i couldn't believe of the laundry i had to do for those people!" "if i have to change one more diaper for this family, I am going to scream."? of course not, i could go clean someone elses house all day long and feel a profound sense of joy and fulfillment but, why don't I feel that way at home all the time?
I think it is because I have been looking at my life in the wrong way.
I look at the repetitiveness and the routine of it and loose sight of the valuable service I am performing each and every day.
It doesn't have to be a grand gesture. It just has to be done with love. I can manage that. Because, there is certainly no one in this world I love more than my family.
So don't look at your responsibilities as a chore or obligation. Look at them as a chance to service those that you love the most.
I know it isn't easy when there is whining, arguing and fighting but if your fmaily begins to see the joy you have in serving them, I believe there attitudes  while chnage. Your home life will become what we all desire, a heaven on earth. Where you can be peaceful and relaxed and enjoy the fleeting time of raising your family.

It will become the refuge from the trials that beset us. So, find joy in your service. Find joy in your life. When we work on these concepts a step at a time, we will feel the Lord's presence even more in our lives. You can do this. One step at a time.