Feeling Left Out

I was thinking about this a lot lately. Interestingly enough, I read a blog post or article about this very thing. I wish I could find it again so I could share but, it was just what I needed to hear.

In the age of so much exciting technology, it is easy to lose the connection we have with people. We often comment on a Facebook post but are we connecting on a personal level with people?
It is so easy to get caught up in our day that we don't make phone calls or have a night out with friends. Some days, I am so busy and worn out, I don't feel like doing another thing.

Anyway, I was looking at facebook recently and noticed all of these ladies doing so many fun things together. They had pictures of them skiing or even just posting about the fun things they were doing with friends. I was feeling left out. I was feeling isolated.

I was feeling like I had no friends. I was feeling sad and lonely. I was feeling depressed. I mean, I have lots of facebook friends but, how often am I able to connect on a personal level with anyone?

This is a problem for me. In my group of friends, I am the oldest. Yikes!! The problem seems to be that I am older but have children the same ages as the "younger" crowd. So, I don't do a lot of things with my group. I guess the real problem is I don't particularly have a group. People my age have grown children. They are most likely working as well. The younger crowd just has a lot more energy than I do. Let's face it. 40's may be the new 20's but the energy level just isn't there. Also, I have 5 kiddos 5 and under. I don't particularly like to take them all someplace by myself. I mean the work involved in that task...UGH!

So, I try and make my connections through social media. Unfortunately, it doesn't work out in my favor, like I mentioned above. I just see everyone having a great time and me not included. Now, let me be clear. I am not whining and trying to get people to like me and invite me places. I am not angleing for more to do with friends. The problem lies in our society losing its personal connections with each other.
We post on social media all of the amazing things we are doing in our lives. We show pictures of the fun. We write posts about how accomplished we are. We tell everyone how amazing our children, grandchildren, spouse, friends, and anyone else we know are. We put our best face on as we post. People rarely post reality. So, what do I do? I compare. I compare myself to their fun and exciting lives. Then I start to feel insignificant and like I just don't matter.
How come no one posts about the mundane? How come no one posts, "yelled at my kiddos this morning. Grumpy mornings seems to be the norm around here." or "the house is just dirty but I am going to watch a movie and ignore it all. I may not even shower or get dressed today." "sometimes, I just feel overwhelmed with all that I need to do. Is there no end in sight?" "I am just not feeling the love today."  The kind of things we all experience. We all know that things don't go perfectly everyday. Why can't we show our human side?

Social media is a fun tool we can use to share our lives with those around us. It helps to know what is happening in people's lives and it is just fun.I see pictures of new babies, returning misssionaries, graduations, marriage proposals, weddings, vacations, etc... It is great.
However, at the same time, is social media turning us into people who don't interact with each other in person?I think it is a great tool for Satan to work his magic. Because, of the comparing, the isolation and the hits we take to our self esteem.
Satan has an agenda too. He wants to take us with him. A wise person once said, "Satan knows he has lost. He knows that he won't win the war. But, he wants to take as many of us with him as he can." He is able to do this because we lose our light when we feel sad, upset or insignificant. We lose a little of the Holy Spirit.
I am not sure how to battle these feelings. Sometimes, I want to get on facebook and say "You know what I did today? I matter too. I do laundry, mop floors, change diapers for 4 kids,cook for 19 people." well, you get the idea.

The fact remains that I need to keep my priorities straight. I need to understand that Heavenly Father loves me. That the Holy Spirit is a part of my life everyday. I need to know that I have value and worth and it does not hinge on people liking my status. I have friends. I have great friends.
I have people who love me and care about me. On the flip side, people used to just avoid each other


if they were upset now we get "unfriended" yet another way to humiliate and reject others.
What really matters in life is finding our own joy. Finding a way to feel peace with what we are doing.
You matter too. You aren't invisible or isolated. You are a beautiful son or daughter of a loving Heavenly Father. You are important no matter what your facebook status is. You have people that love you. You just need to unplug and connect personally with them. Invite them places and don't forget to take a picture and post it to facebook. :)

The Mundane and the Beautiful

I feel like I live in a soap opera sometimes. I sometimes have a hard time separating the important from the unimportant.
Which "things" should I continue to harp on my kids for? The list seems long and endless.
Clean your room
Brush your teeth
Take a shower
Make your bed
Do your chore
turn off the TV and engage your brain
Do your homework
Pay attention in church
Pay attention at school
Please just pay attention
Don't be mean
Don't call names
No pushing!
No swearing
No hitting
You can't date until you are 16
Make good choices
Be a builder not a wrecking machine
Stay focused on the temple
Stay morally and physically clean
Well, I am sure you know the drill. What is important? What truly matters? If the kids don't have clean rooms does that make them and me slothful?Is this the real reason? If my kids don't act a certain way, do people see that as a reflection of poor parenting?
Am I being judged? Am I more concerned with what people think than how my kids will turn out?
I am forever apologizing for a dirty home, messy hair, messy kids, poor behavior in my children etc...
What is the deeper issue?
 I think it is that I see these issues as a reflection of me. I somehow tie my kids issues to my self worth and problems.
Part of the problem for me, is I feel people have a certain stereotype of large families. I feel like if my home is dirty, I fall into that stereotype. Quite frankly, I am better than that.
If my kids are dirty or have messy hair, I feel like people are judging me, "Oh she has too many kids".
This really boils down to me and my self esteem. I would love to be one of the people who can laugh it off or it doesn't affect them. But for me, it does affect me. I can laugh it off at the time or pretend i don't care but deep down it feels like I don't measure up. It feels like I reinforce my own weakness. I hear in my head, "See, you really aren't good enough."
The problem comes if and when I perpetuate those thoughts, feelings, and emotions in my children.
Am i subconsciously letting them know that they aren't good enough, that they will never measure up?
I think we need to be very careful not to confuse our issues with our childrens. I think we need to make sure our children don't have the same self esteem issues that we do.
Since I believe in honesty, even when it hurts, I need to share something that happened this weekend. We had a rough weekend. There were kids who were outright defiant. Kids who were being mean. Kids who were full of their teenage attitudes. Enough said, right?
well, John asked me to tell him something they had done well this weekend. I couldn't think of anything significant. I could have given you a long list of what each child had done wrong but, I couldn't focus on the good they did.
Such is the life I lead. Sometimes, I am so focused on the problem at hand that I can't see or acknowledge the non problems we experience.
My kids are good kids. If I ever have a doubt I watch "Supernanny or Nanny 911". I am so glad I don't experience those types of problems. :/
It is time I focused on the good. I told my kids these weekend that we are the warriors. We were saved for these turbulent times because we could prevail. I was supposed to come to earth at this time so I could parent the children that could endure and withstand all of the garbage around them. They are some of the Lord's most valiant. He has saved these special strong, warrior spirits to fight the constant battles around them. When we argue, fight, belittle, talk back, or are slothful we are handing Satan a piece of our family. I told them I am just as guilty as they are sometimes. It is time we became the warriors Heavenly Father needs us to be. It is time we allow our home to become a refuge from all of the problems that beset the world today.
It reminds me of this talk by Ezra Taft Benson
http://www.latterdayconservative.com/ezra-taft-benson/a-plea-to-strengthen-our-families/

Today is the day we take back our families. Today is the day we focus on the good. the uplifting. The positive.
Today is the day we work on strengthening our children and our homes so only the best of feelings preside.It is up to us to change our world by changing our family. Because "the family is central to the Creator's plan". It is time we were the voices that sound louder than unmoral and corrupt.
What are you going to do to take back your family?
"As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."

Moments

My oldest child was married this weekend. My oldest son took leave this weekend and surprised me for a 38 hour visit. Aleceeya took care of the little guys for me for 2 days. It was an amazing weekend.
My thoughts have run the gamut this week along with my emotions.
My daughter is no longer solely mine. I have to share her now with her husband. My role in her life has shifted. UGH! That is painful.
At the same time, I share in her joy. Wow...

I have a son who sacrificed so much to try and visit me and surprise me for the weekend. I wasn't expecting that at all. When he walked in through the front door, I thought I was seeing things. I couldn't believe I had the privilege of seeing him again. It reminds me of what it will feel like to see Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ again. I wish I could express the utter sense of joy and love that I felt in that one small moment.
Moments...I guess that is what I have been thinking about.
Moments in time.
This moment was beautiful. All i wanted to do was hug my son and I was granted that privilege again. Know that when your children get bigger it is harder. They leave, they come back, they have problems that you can't solve. They are a part of you and yet they have their own life to lead seperately from you. that is very hard. You are not the center anymore.
So, back to moments.
There are moments in our lives when you feel like you can not bear the weight of your trials another second.
There are moments of such pure joy that you think life could not get any better.
There are moments filled with such regret that you are not sure you can make things right.
Moments of heartache, moments of peace, contentment, happiness, and perfection.
Each and every moment, though, is an opportunity to re-evaluate what life is about and how to achieve this feeling again or how to improve so I don't feel this way again.
To often we strive for that moment of perfection. What we don't realize is that trying to attain perfection is not necessary to have a great life. The only perfect person was the Savior. Even He didn't experience a perfect life. But, he did have moments. Just like we do.
Moments that remind us that this is why we are here.
I had a few moments this past weekend when I thought, "I have been blessed with so much more than I deserve. This is what my life can be like everyday as I strive to return to my Heavenly Father". It was a glimpse or a moment of the pure love of Christ. I felt that love by being blessed to have all of my children with me for a few days.
It was overwhelming. I am not sure my mortal body could experience that depth of love and emotion everyday. I certainly would like to try and that is why we have moments.
What is your moment?

Comparing apples to oranges...

                                                    
I have been thinking a lot about comparing apples to oranges. There are things that are similar about apples and oranges, for example: they are both a fruit, they are both roundish and they tend to be sweet. That is where the similarities stop.
We often compare ourselves (apples) to others (oranges). While we have some of the same characteristics, for example we are both women, we live in a house, we drive a car etc...
Our similarities stop there. We are unique and there is no one quite like you.
You are a daughter of a Heavenly Father that loves and values you and what you give to this life.  He doesn't compare you to me. For example, a person with 3 kids will relate an experience they have had with their children. Then they say something like, well but, that is nothing for you. Actually, every good and nad time that you have had with your children, I have probably shared too. Three kids are hard, so are four and five and six. I remember having my first and not being able to go anywhere because i had to get so much stuff ready. Now? I can relate to first time parents. It is hard. I just have some more experience.
Heavenly Father doesn't love me any more than you. He doesn't value my contribution to society more than He values yours. YOU are the one He values.
You can't compare your life to someone elses'. It is just not fair. I was watching a cute family with a few children. The parents were so patient, loving and kind. I told John, "I wish I could be more like that." and his reply? "You are in your own way. If they had experienced what you have throughout your life and they had as many children that struggle through various issues, whose to say they would behave like they are now. You can't compare yourself to them. That isn't fair." Comparing apples to oranges again.
I compare your strengths to my weakness and how fair is that? Heavenly Father blessed all of us with individual, spectacular gifts. Do not think for a second that I manage my life perfectly every second of the day and that my house is clean and organized (you should see my shoe pile). and you are not allowed to ask John anything about my habits! But anyway, my gifts are different than yours. Heavenly Father has asked me to care for these children and I have asked Him to do 95% of the work. I do my best and He makes up for my failings. sometimes that is 95% sometimes it is only 3%.
But He doesn't compare me to you. He doesn't say "wow she is really wasting the talent I gave her" that even sounds silly. Instead, He says, what opportunites can I present that will help her to magnify that talent? I sometimes wonder, what I still haven't learned after having 59 children in our home. I must be a tough nut to crack.
I guess all I mean is realize your divine potential. Comparing yourself won't get you anywhere, just miserable because you will think you never match up to the other people. when you feel that way, think of some strengths you have, think about the blessings you enjoy and pray for forgiveness for belittling your talents and blessings. Satan is a crafty guy and he will do his best to make sure that you feel as insignificant as possible. Don't let him win. You hold all of the power here. You can change your life and you can do it this second. Little by little you will realize that you are special and important too. You matter! You are loved! You are appreciated for what you do! You are not insignificant! You are a Beloved daughter of your Heavenly Father and He loves you, as do many others around you. Be the best person you can be and Heavenly Father makes up for the rest.