Moments

My oldest child was married this weekend. My oldest son took leave this weekend and surprised me for a 38 hour visit. Aleceeya took care of the little guys for me for 2 days. It was an amazing weekend.
My thoughts have run the gamut this week along with my emotions.
My daughter is no longer solely mine. I have to share her now with her husband. My role in her life has shifted. UGH! That is painful.
At the same time, I share in her joy. Wow...

I have a son who sacrificed so much to try and visit me and surprise me for the weekend. I wasn't expecting that at all. When he walked in through the front door, I thought I was seeing things. I couldn't believe I had the privilege of seeing him again. It reminds me of what it will feel like to see Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ again. I wish I could express the utter sense of joy and love that I felt in that one small moment.
Moments...I guess that is what I have been thinking about.
Moments in time.
This moment was beautiful. All i wanted to do was hug my son and I was granted that privilege again. Know that when your children get bigger it is harder. They leave, they come back, they have problems that you can't solve. They are a part of you and yet they have their own life to lead seperately from you. that is very hard. You are not the center anymore.
So, back to moments.
There are moments in our lives when you feel like you can not bear the weight of your trials another second.
There are moments of such pure joy that you think life could not get any better.
There are moments filled with such regret that you are not sure you can make things right.
Moments of heartache, moments of peace, contentment, happiness, and perfection.
Each and every moment, though, is an opportunity to re-evaluate what life is about and how to achieve this feeling again or how to improve so I don't feel this way again.
To often we strive for that moment of perfection. What we don't realize is that trying to attain perfection is not necessary to have a great life. The only perfect person was the Savior. Even He didn't experience a perfect life. But, he did have moments. Just like we do.
Moments that remind us that this is why we are here.
I had a few moments this past weekend when I thought, "I have been blessed with so much more than I deserve. This is what my life can be like everyday as I strive to return to my Heavenly Father". It was a glimpse or a moment of the pure love of Christ. I felt that love by being blessed to have all of my children with me for a few days.
It was overwhelming. I am not sure my mortal body could experience that depth of love and emotion everyday. I certainly would like to try and that is why we have moments.
What is your moment?

Let Them Be Little

I can remember when you fit in the palm of my hand.
You felt so good in it; no bigger than a minute.
How it amazes me you're changin' with every blink.
Faster than a flower blooms, they grow up all too soon.

So let them be little,
'Cause they're only that way for a while.
Give 'em hope, give them praise,
Give them love every day.
Let 'em cry, let 'em giggle,
Let 'em sleep in the middle,
Oh, but let them be little.

I never felt so much in one little tender touch.
I live for those kisses, your prayers an' your wishes.
An' now you're teachin' me how only a child can see.
Tonight, while we're on our knees, all I ask is:

Please, let them be little,
'Cause they're only that way for a while.
Give them hope, give them praise,
Give them love every day.
Let 'em cry, let 'em giggle,
Let 'em sleep in the middle,
Oh, but let them be little.

The so innocent, precious soul:
You turn around, an' it's time to let them go.

So let them be little,
'Cause they're only that way for a while.
Give them hope, give 'em praise,
Give them love every day.
Let 'em cry, let 'em giggle,
Let them sleep in the middle,
Oh, but let them be little.

Let them be little.

I have been listening to this song lately by Billy dean. I always thought my young children would never grow up. I thought they would be little forever. I had my friends tell me to "enjoy this because they grow up so fast". I thought "Really? when? cause you have no idea what it is like. "
Now that 3 of my children are graduated and "on their own", I have to say they were right.
I rushed and rushed and while I enjoyed them, I am not sure I appreciated the simple joy they bring to my life.
I have the chance to change that with 15 children still under 13. This time I am trying to enjoy them more. I spend more time cuddling and less time mopping.
I spend more time playing cats cradle and less worrying about making dinner.
I like to sit and read witha  child or two cuddled up with me than worry about getting the laundry done.
I don't always do great with this because I like to live in a clean house too.
It is fun to be the one they come to when they have good grades to share and funny stories that happened at school.
I was so busy trying to teach them how to do things that would make them more independent that I forgot to let them be little more.
Now, my oldest will be married in a few days with a little one of her own on the way. I will encourage her to let me enjoy this little one. I hope I can instill the importance of enjoying the moments that happen with her little ones.
The Lord put so much into our little ones. I have a beautiful little one now that smiles at me whenever we make eye contact. Her whole body smiles and I can't help but be overwhelemed with love, joy and peace when I see that.
I know that my other children had the same effect on me but I have forgotten among the arguing, dirty looks, and rebelliousness that occurs as the seek their independence.
It isn't coincidence that you have the life you do with your little ones. You were entrusted by the Lord to raise them. this is no small committment ore responsibility. You can be assured that problems will happen at every age.
I was telling John that I wish the biggest problem I had with my older children was a dirty diaper ir messy cupboards. I would trade it back. I can't do that though. i have to figure out these older ages just like I had to figure out the younger ones.

Enjoy the age they are. It doesn't mean that you have to be happy that they have drawn on the walls, or emptied the toliet paper roll AGAIN, or that they flushed the remote but, I promise there is humor to be found if you look for it.
Laugh, lay and play with your babies because I promise, "they will grow up so fast and you will wish for this time again". We are always looking ahead that we sometimes miss what is right in front of us. We think " i have to teach them this now because later..." That is true. But, it doesn't all have to be about formal teaching. You are teaching so much more when we enjoy their success, find humor in the mess and relax with them.
You are so important in your childs life. I do promise that you will forget the messes they created and you will wistfully reflect on their cuteness and what you did together. You are raising the whole child not just a part.
Love them more and Let Them be Little....as long as you can.

How do you define service?

So, I was at the Geneva Heights Family History Library last night. I have been our wards Family History Consultant for 8 years now. (I think I have almost beat the Stake President).
I volunteer there on the 2nd, 4th and 5th Sundays. I love it! I started off with a a couple of hundred names in my family history, now I have 3,000. That is a good chunk of names.
Anyway, the last 2 Sundays I have been working on indexing. Last Sunday, I indexed part of the 1940 census (as an aside, one of the easiest I have ever indexed). Last night, I indexed World War II draft registration cards. That was fun. I registered a whole bunch of Chinese men who were living in the United States. Sorry, I digress.
A young lady came in wanting to get started on her Family History. She was looking for a connection for her great grandmother. She was trying to find out if the record she had was the right lady. Well, we found out it wasn't. Then, we found several records that were and that listed additional siblings (she didn't know about) and her great great grandmother lived next door so, we were able to get a jump start on the next generation for her. All thanks to the Census records.
Now, a person could obviously see that this is service. It made me feel great to help her. She was so excited that this could be the person  they have been looking for.
I started thinking about service. i do service everyday. Not formally but, every meal I make, every diaper I change, every item I pick up is service.
I don't look at my day to day life as doing service. I think of it more like my job. I felt so much joy, as I usually do, when I provided her with some service. I should be feeling that same joy at home if I look at my life as a service mission.Have you ever heard anyone talk about their mission like this,"gosh! i couldn't believe of the laundry i had to do for those people!" "if i have to change one more diaper for this family, I am going to scream."? of course not, i could go clean someone elses house all day long and feel a profound sense of joy and fulfillment but, why don't I feel that way at home all the time?
I think it is because I have been looking at my life in the wrong way.
I look at the repetitiveness and the routine of it and loose sight of the valuable service I am performing each and every day.
It doesn't have to be a grand gesture. It just has to be done with love. I can manage that. Because, there is certainly no one in this world I love more than my family.
So don't look at your responsibilities as a chore or obligation. Look at them as a chance to service those that you love the most.
I know it isn't easy when there is whining, arguing and fighting but if your fmaily begins to see the joy you have in serving them, I believe there attitudes  while chnage. Your home life will become what we all desire, a heaven on earth. Where you can be peaceful and relaxed and enjoy the fleeting time of raising your family.

It will become the refuge from the trials that beset us. So, find joy in your service. Find joy in your life. When we work on these concepts a step at a time, we will feel the Lord's presence even more in our lives. You can do this. One step at a time.

Compliments

I have been thinking a lot about compliments.
Why are they so hard to accept? Why do I feel embarrassed when someone does give me a sincere compliment?
Compliment :an expression of esteem, respect, affection, or admiration; especially : an admiring remark b : formal and respectful recognition
Is it because I am a woman that it is hard to feel worthy of the praise or esteem bestowed upon me? At the same time, I secretly, and I mean secretly, (until now!) really want the praise. 
I think it has to do with trying to be humble. But that doesn't mean I have to hide my light under a bushel.
I agonize over compliments and how to receive them. Do i kindly say," Thank you you're right I am pretty amazing! Thanks for noticing!"? How can I be humble and still accept the esteem, respect, affection, or admiration of others?
Well... I think I have figured it out for me. I truly appreciate that people make those sincere comments. The fact is I don't think I do anything wonderful. I am just trying to be the best person I can, just like you. I am just trying to figure out my path the same way you are. We just each go about our day putting one step in front of the other and at first I thought, "there is nothing to admire in that."!
How wrong I am. There is great respect to be had when we see each other working through our trials and struggles. There is something noble in seeing people parent their children and try to raise them in such a way that they can avoid outside influences.
It doesn't mean I am not humble. I know that I am doing the Lord's work for me. Isn't that noble? I am finding joy in my life, that is admirable. 
We need to look at compliments as what they are. You friends saying, "hey, we notice you. You are loved! we draw strength from seeing you do what you do."
I never know what to say to people. How about a simple, " Thank you. I appreciate your kind words" Instead of feeling unworthy and blowing the compliment off.
The fact is the when I am complimented, it comes down to how I feel about me.
Do I feel worthy of love? Do I feel good about me? Do I love me? Am I struggling today and I just can't see what everyone else sees?
This is when a compliment should benefit you the most. when you are stuck in the trenches and can't see what everyone else sees. This is when you friends are saying "keep going, keep moving you are doing great."
Keep reminding yourself that Heavenly Father knows your struggles and He sees you as competent 
lovely person. He only sees you as beautiful and strong enough to lead your family back to him even with the rotten world around you. (hard to soak in, huh?)
Love the compliments. Love yourself. Look at yourself and try to see what we see. Don't belittle that which is most precious. You are worthy of the compliments you receive. You are strength, you are joy, you are love. No one can do exactly what you do. That is a fact.
Compliments. hmmm....

Comparing apples to oranges...

                                                    
I have been thinking a lot about comparing apples to oranges. There are things that are similar about apples and oranges, for example: they are both a fruit, they are both roundish and they tend to be sweet. That is where the similarities stop.
We often compare ourselves (apples) to others (oranges). While we have some of the same characteristics, for example we are both women, we live in a house, we drive a car etc...
Our similarities stop there. We are unique and there is no one quite like you.
You are a daughter of a Heavenly Father that loves and values you and what you give to this life.  He doesn't compare you to me. For example, a person with 3 kids will relate an experience they have had with their children. Then they say something like, well but, that is nothing for you. Actually, every good and nad time that you have had with your children, I have probably shared too. Three kids are hard, so are four and five and six. I remember having my first and not being able to go anywhere because i had to get so much stuff ready. Now? I can relate to first time parents. It is hard. I just have some more experience.
Heavenly Father doesn't love me any more than you. He doesn't value my contribution to society more than He values yours. YOU are the one He values.
You can't compare your life to someone elses'. It is just not fair. I was watching a cute family with a few children. The parents were so patient, loving and kind. I told John, "I wish I could be more like that." and his reply? "You are in your own way. If they had experienced what you have throughout your life and they had as many children that struggle through various issues, whose to say they would behave like they are now. You can't compare yourself to them. That isn't fair." Comparing apples to oranges again.
I compare your strengths to my weakness and how fair is that? Heavenly Father blessed all of us with individual, spectacular gifts. Do not think for a second that I manage my life perfectly every second of the day and that my house is clean and organized (you should see my shoe pile). and you are not allowed to ask John anything about my habits! But anyway, my gifts are different than yours. Heavenly Father has asked me to care for these children and I have asked Him to do 95% of the work. I do my best and He makes up for my failings. sometimes that is 95% sometimes it is only 3%.
But He doesn't compare me to you. He doesn't say "wow she is really wasting the talent I gave her" that even sounds silly. Instead, He says, what opportunites can I present that will help her to magnify that talent? I sometimes wonder, what I still haven't learned after having 59 children in our home. I must be a tough nut to crack.
I guess all I mean is realize your divine potential. Comparing yourself won't get you anywhere, just miserable because you will think you never match up to the other people. when you feel that way, think of some strengths you have, think about the blessings you enjoy and pray for forgiveness for belittling your talents and blessings. Satan is a crafty guy and he will do his best to make sure that you feel as insignificant as possible. Don't let him win. You hold all of the power here. You can change your life and you can do it this second. Little by little you will realize that you are special and important too. You matter! You are loved! You are appreciated for what you do! You are not insignificant! You are a Beloved daughter of your Heavenly Father and He loves you, as do many others around you. Be the best person you can be and Heavenly Father makes up for the rest.

Be the Calm in the Storm

It has been a long time since I have been on here. There is so much to tell.
First, our oldest daughter is getting married in 2 weeks. That is crazy to me.
Second, our oldest son is in the ARMY and has been gone for several months and won't be home until November *sigh*.
We added 3 little ones to our brood and now have 18 gorgeous children.
I am almost done with school and graduate in December.
Now that you are all caught up on the happenings here...

Sometimes, I am just plain busy. I have often refelcted on talks from LDS General Conference where they tell me to simplify. We are always re-evaluating and thinking about things we can cut out to make our lives run more smoothly. Sometimes, you just can't. Our lives are just busy, sometimes.

Your busy and my busy are completely seperate too. What I do may seem to be boring and slow and what are you complaining about.Yours may be extremely hectic and I can't see how it could possibly work.
So, here are my words of wisdom. Are you the calm in the storm? Our lives can be busy and active and hectic but, how do you feel about it? That is what matters. If you are yelling and barking orders and feel like you don't have any time for yourself then, change needs to happen.
I definately set the pace for my family. If I am hectic and frantic (like last night preparing for my daughter's bridal shower) the kids respond accordingly. Ironically enough, I often expect them to be the calm ones while I am having my "breakdown".  When I am the calm amidst the storms life takes on a new meaning and experience for my children.
I have noticed how stupid I sound when I yell at my children to "calm down!". Seriously, I know better. They need me to model that behavior first. Then, they can see how it is done.
So, be the calm in the storm for your children. If you can manage that during all of your schedule I think you are right on track. I think that is what LDS prophets and apostles are trying to teach us.
Jesus Christ was the calm in the storm as well. He gave us the example of not getting frantic but being calm and dealing with what is happening around us. The result? The apostles were able to start being calm knowing that He was their anchor.
You are your child's anchor. No one else is JUST YOU.
Does that mean we don't all lose it at some point? Nah! It just means we learn to be better. Every minute should be spent on improving ourselves. You are never DONE for the day and start over in the morning. Take a second to start over now. become who you are meant to be.
I want you to know, that I struggle just like you. NO ONE is immune! Don't let anyone tell you they are because they aren't being completely honest. We all just have different struggles and challenges.
So, love yourself despite your weaknesses you will be happier and so will your family.

This sounds like a chinese proverb but here it goes...A ripple of water (change) starts with a small rock(you). The best way to change the world is to start within your own homes.

Hmm...where to start

A few pictures I thought I would share from our summer. What a bittersweet summer! Kodey moved out and moved to Michigan to Nanny. Josh enlisted in the US Army reserves and leaves Oct 3. My youngest turned 5 and starts kindergarten. What is a mom to do? We have so many things happening here. It has sure been a sad/happy/excited/scary/proud summer for this mom! Josh graduates
enlistment day

Abby turns 5 witha candyland cake

the last time this summer all of my kiddos are together...taking Kodey to the airport

Last day of school 2011

A sideways...graduate