Sunday, May 12, 2013

The difference between your Mother's Day and mine...

Mother's Day brings up a lot of different thoughts and ideas. Some look upon this day as the most wonderful special day in the world and others look upon this day with dread. This day can bring emphasis to women not being able to be a mother, women who have lost their child, and women who feel they will never measure up to the image of what a mother should be. I feel I fall into a different category altogether.
        My category is one that I have to share with the other 7 other mothers who brought my children into the world. This is never a day of sunshine and roses at our home. This is a day of reminders and anger. This is a day when it is shouted from the rooftops "You are not with your biological mom right now!!" This day leads to children who can't regulate themselves but they want to.
        I had to come home early from church today because four of my children were very difficult during our service. I have had hugs today. I have had smiles. I have had pictures drawn and cards given. I was able to Skype with my son, Josh who is serving overseas. One of my daughters brought over a present and attended the beginning hour of church. Now, she is on her way to enjoy Mother's Day with other women in her life.
       I am not whining because the day isn't the best. i am merely wanting to share what this day is like for me.  I know my children love me. I know they work hard to show me they love me. This sometimes comes at a high cost for them. They are so wonderful one day and then crash (into old behaviors) for the next week.
        Mother's Day is somewhat dreaded around our home by all that are involved. We have brought these holidays to the calendar to honor events and people in our lives. Many people don't want the reminders. This is a day like any other day and that is the way we try to address it. However, my kids know what this day is really about and it hurts them. They hurt for what they have lost and I hurt from the backlash of their feelings.
       Mother's Day is merely a day to honor the women in our lives. Whether adopted or biological, influential   friends, cool babysitters, dear friends and anyone else who has made an impact in our lives. Please understand, what your children are going through, has nothing to do with the love they have for you. You are not their second mom or their inferior mom. You are the mom who loves them. the one they know they can rely on. They trust you. They want to be secure in the knowledge of your love for them no matter what they do. They need you to not take this day as a personal attack on you.
        I guess, in my babbling, what I am trying to say is, "Be aware of what we do and say. Be mindful of the struggles and trials of others. Understand this day represents lots of thoughts and emotions from women, men and children."
        Enjoy this day your way. You don't need to use this day to enumerate all of your shortcomings. You can use this day to appreciate women hood and the role you play

For you childless sisters and those without companions, remember the eternal timetable of the Lord is much longer than the lonely hours of your preparation or the total of this mortal life. These are only as microseconds when compared to eternity. Your willingness and worthiness are surely known to Him. The spiritual rewards of motherhood are available to all women. Nurturing the young, comforting the frightened, protecting the vulnerable, teaching and giving encouragement need not—and should not—be limited to our own children
--Elder Russell M. Nelson, Lessons From Eve, October 1987 

"Be useful in [your] sphere and [do] not be discouraged because of difficulties in the way, but trust in God and look to Him, and His marvelous blessings." — President Lorenzo Snow

"There is nothing in this world as personal, as nurturing, or as life changing as the influence of a righteous woman." — Elder M. Russell Ballard of the Quorum of the Twelve

"Let me say to you sisters that you do not hold a second place in our Father's plan. You are an absolutely essential part of that plan." — President Gordon B. Hinckley

        Enjoy this day as you would any other day. recognize the beauty of being able to be a woman in this time and in this place. You are a beloved daughter of God who Loves you. He knows what you struggle with. He knows you. He has a desire to have you be the best person you can be. Recognize the blessings in your life. There are many so days you just have to look harder for them.
      I love my little bit of heaven on Earth. It is never perfect but I live for the little moments. When I see someone hugging a sibling. Or, sharing a graham cracker. Changing a diaper without being asked. Hugging for no reason. Enjoying shared laughter. creating memories. These are the moments of perfection. Please recognize, no one has a perfect or easier life than you. They just have a different one. 
      Take a deep breathe and live for the tender mercies that the Lord bestows upon you through those around you. You are loved.