Thursday, September 11, 2014

Feelings about motherhood

It is very hard for me to describe what motherhood means. It means so much. When I first thought about becoming a mom, I didn't give it much thought. I knew I always wanted to be a mom but, I never thought about the life altering significance this would have on me. This is one of the hardest, most rewarding jobs I have ever experienced. This is also one of the most hard core jobs I have seen. It is time consuming. It is all encompassing. There is rarely a moment in my life when I am not thinking about my kids or my mothering skills (or lack thereof). My kids have a way of stripping me down and exposing my deepest vulnerabilities and weaknesses. They also have a way of lifting me to emotions I didn't even know I was capable of. The joy is overwhelming when I see something simple and amazing happen between them or to them. I could take a lifetime and never explain what motherhood means to me. I have witnessed mothers "losing" their children to the state. I have seen the impact that has on the children. I have consoled children on the loss they have experienced by losing their mother. (in the foster care world) You begin to see and realize the significance a mother has in her children's life. I think you can only measure motherhood through your growth and experience. You can measure it in the moments of your life when you feel such radiating joy. I realize what motherhood means to me in the small moments when all of my kids are sitting around the dinner table, talking, laughing and passing food bowls. The sun shines a little brighter, the joy that fills my soul is overwhelming. tears fill my eyes and my heart swells. My feelings on motherhood are vast and deep. The significance of my role in my children's lives overwhelms me. I mess up. I mess up bad. But, I jump right back in and try to experience those rare moments of the pure joy motherhood brings.
What are your views of motherhood?