Thursday, January 30, 2014

A Mother's Love

A Mother’s Love

As I sit and ponder the past few days, I can’t help but feel overwhelming joy and sadness at the same time.
  We have had the extreme pleasure of having 4 beautiful children in our home for the past 2 years. They are currently 4,3,2 and 1.  They are beautiful. We have watched them progress, grow and change so much.
    We had a trial to attend yesterday for a TPR (termination of parental rights). This is always a very emotional day. Your feelings are so mixed up. You know you want to keep “your” kiddos but you feel extreme empathy to the plight of the birth family. I always feel such an overwhelming amount of love for  them. It is hard to describe.
       Yes, I know they have made choices that have led them to this moment, just as I have. However, no one has a child to deliberately lose custody of them. I believe the birth family loves their children just as I do. I believe they have not been given or applied the tools needed to make the appropriate changes. Yes, they have responsibility in this. I always pray the Lord will show these parents mercy for their choices.  When substances are involved a lot of the parents agency (free choice) is taken from them.  I believe the Lord will grant them mercy and understanding.
      Anyway, this particular day, the parents came to court. They ended up voluntarily relinquishing their parental rights.  You might be reading this and saying “Yea” “That is wonderful” etc…. The despair comes from observing this process. I am sorry but, this is NEVER been an easy thing for me to witness. I have seen this a lot and it has NEVER been easy.  There is such a sadness for them.  A sadness for their children. A profound sadness for all of the loss involved.  There is also anger. Anger for the situation they found themselves in. Righteous anger on the children’s behalf.
    Finally there is joy. Piercingly, sweet joy. The knowledge that these children will stay with our family. We love them as our children and the grief would have been that of losing a child, if they had left.
     Celebration seems wrong in the face of the loss. But, my heart and soul are rejoicing in the love of an eternal family. A family who relies on the Lord and His infinite wisdom to allow children to experience their trials and tribulations.
       So, as I watched a family dissolve. I also saw a family being born. How can I ever express in word the gift I have been given of having these precious littles in my life? How can I express my love for the birth parents and let them know I will love and care for their children as if I gave birth to them?  Will that bring them comfort? I hope so.
      In essence, we have the privilege of being able to adopt the four littles that have lived with us. While I feel immense sadness and incredible joy, I revel in the love of a wise Heavenly Father. A Father who put us in the right place at the right time to carry out His divine purpose.
        I give thanks for birth parents who truly do the best they can.  I give thanks for the countless hours the state has put in on our behalf and for the children. I give thanks for the wonderful support of our neighbors, family and friends who have fasted and prayed multiple times on the children’s behalf.  I give thanks for the love and support we receive on a daily basis.
        A mother’s love….this takes on a profound meaning for me when I am given the gift of a child.  There is no way to express the depth of love we have for our children. I didn’t have to carry children in my womb to love them with all of my being.  Just because a mom/dad have made mistakes does not mean they also don’t share a profound love for their children.

There is no way to express how grateful I am to have the opportunity to touch so many children’s lives.  This is not the path I had chosen for myself but, it is the one I am glad to have been given. 
       I love that we have the opportunity to have 4 children join our eternal family.  What a blessing this will be for our family.
What a blessing this will hopefully be for our children. 
       Our family is blessed by the addition of 4. This mother’s heart is filled to overflowing.  (and yes, we already know there are more to come) :)

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