Friday, January 9, 2015

The rising generation?

I love this quote by Thomas Edison. I often think this applies to so many areas of my life. Unfortunately, it really applies to my parenting.
I am like everyone else, I am just trying to figure out how to parent my children the best way possible.
It is a lot harder to parent children today than it was even a generation ago.
Now we have youtube, the internet, and tv shows showing our children a false sense of how they can behave.
You tube allows children to make broadcast whatever they want about their parents, show their parents making choices the child doesn't like. We have children suing their parents for whatever they want but lately to pay for college. Children TV shows that show parents as idiots. The parents allow their kids to make fun of them, be rude and disrespectful with a laugh reel playing in the background. As an educator, I have noticed more and more people who yell at the school or teacher for their children's bad behavior. As if somehow, it  is the teacher or administrations fault. This allows me to compare the lunch food issue with the idea that children are obese. I am sorry, I respect what they are trying to do but, one meal does not an obese child make. (but I digress)
I don't mean we should abuse our children or be cruel or mean to them. I am just trying to show that our children have a distorted view of parent/child relationships.So, parenting becomes that much harder.
So, as a result of kids being harder to parent, parenting has gotten harder. You damage the brain development of children by putting them in time out. Other books tell you time out is effective. Some say to put them in timeout in the same room as you, some say sending them to time out in their room is the better option. we should also have them apologize but apologizing without the feeling of doing something wrong is not good.
We know yelling is wrong, we know spanking isn't the best.Somehow, someone expects us to parent 180 degrees different than our parents parented us. Change takes time. I believe it can take 4 generations to make a complete change in behavior for a family.Why are we expected to change so quickly?
I would like to follow this up with what is wrong with our children feeling disappointment, hurt and anger. we don't have to fix things for them. we just need to be there to show them how to do it. We need to be there to give them the support they need. the college thing? well, don't get me started. If you want to go to college figure out how to make that work for you. There are programs and help for you. It is not a parents obligation to pay your way.
 Somehow we are the under impression that children should have an equal say in what goes on in the house. Somehow parents and children are equal. they are just small people after all. Or so the books tell us. well, I disagree.
I would like to propose a theory. Children are children. They don't need to know all of the reasons why we do something. we don't need to consult them for all decisions. We do discuss some important decisions with our children but then we say but, mom and dad will make the final decision.
It feels like our society is losing sight of the values that strengthen the our families. We are constantly battling with our children to speak respectfully. To talk appropriately. To treat adults with respect. Some days it really feels like an uphill battle.
This is a battle however that I am prepared to fight. Our children need to respect authority. They need the comfort in knowing they have capable parents who can handle most situations that come their way. Our children need to respect our roles as parents. Cause boy it is a hard one. It is also a job I give as much as possible.
Well, this post probably doesn't make a lot of sense. But, it is time that parents make a stand. We are the parents not our children. We need to be the ones to draw the line in the sand. We need to be the ones who show our children how to operate within the lines drawn.
We are the first and last line of defense for our children. We are the ones who will continually fight for our children. We are the ones who will never stop teaching. We are the ones who will relentlessly block the influence of Satan form our children's lives.
So while there are 10,000 ways not to make a lightbulb. There are 10,000 ways (at least) that I have found to be the wrong way to parent. I will keep fighting until I find the one way that works for each and every one of my children. Cause they deserve the very best I have to give.
be their advocate.
be their strength.
be their support.
be their example.
But most important?
Be there.

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