Tuesday, January 20, 2015

The Mundane and the Beautiful

I feel like I live in a soap opera sometimes. I sometimes have a hard time separating the important from the unimportant.
Which "things" should I continue to harp on my kids for? The list seems long and endless.
Clean your room
Brush your teeth
Take a shower
Make your bed
Do your chore
turn off the TV and engage your brain
Do your homework
Pay attention in church
Pay attention at school
Please just pay attention
Don't be mean
Don't call names
No pushing!
No swearing
No hitting
You can't date until you are 16
Make good choices
Be a builder not a wrecking machine
Stay focused on the temple
Stay morally and physically clean
Well, I am sure you know the drill. What is important? What truly matters? If the kids don't have clean rooms does that make them and me slothful?Is this the real reason? If my kids don't act a certain way, do people see that as a reflection of poor parenting?
Am I being judged? Am I more concerned with what people think than how my kids will turn out?
I am forever apologizing for a dirty home, messy hair, messy kids, poor behavior in my children etc...
What is the deeper issue?
 I think it is that I see these issues as a reflection of me. I somehow tie my kids issues to my self worth and problems.
Part of the problem for me, is I feel people have a certain stereotype of large families. I feel like if my home is dirty, I fall into that stereotype. Quite frankly, I am better than that.
If my kids are dirty or have messy hair, I feel like people are judging me, "Oh she has too many kids".
This really boils down to me and my self esteem. I would love to be one of the people who can laugh it off or it doesn't affect them. But for me, it does affect me. I can laugh it off at the time or pretend i don't care but deep down it feels like I don't measure up. It feels like I reinforce my own weakness. I hear in my head, "See, you really aren't good enough."
The problem comes if and when I perpetuate those thoughts, feelings, and emotions in my children.
Am i subconsciously letting them know that they aren't good enough, that they will never measure up?
I think we need to be very careful not to confuse our issues with our childrens. I think we need to make sure our children don't have the same self esteem issues that we do.
Since I believe in honesty, even when it hurts, I need to share something that happened this weekend. We had a rough weekend. There were kids who were outright defiant. Kids who were being mean. Kids who were full of their teenage attitudes. Enough said, right?
well, John asked me to tell him something they had done well this weekend. I couldn't think of anything significant. I could have given you a long list of what each child had done wrong but, I couldn't focus on the good they did.
Such is the life I lead. Sometimes, I am so focused on the problem at hand that I can't see or acknowledge the non problems we experience.
My kids are good kids. If I ever have a doubt I watch "Supernanny or Nanny 911". I am so glad I don't experience those types of problems. :/
It is time I focused on the good. I told my kids these weekend that we are the warriors. We were saved for these turbulent times because we could prevail. I was supposed to come to earth at this time so I could parent the children that could endure and withstand all of the garbage around them. They are some of the Lord's most valiant. He has saved these special strong, warrior spirits to fight the constant battles around them. When we argue, fight, belittle, talk back, or are slothful we are handing Satan a piece of our family. I told them I am just as guilty as they are sometimes. It is time we became the warriors Heavenly Father needs us to be. It is time we allow our home to become a refuge from all of the problems that beset the world today.
It reminds me of this talk by Ezra Taft Benson

Today is the day we take back our families. Today is the day we focus on the good. the uplifting. The positive.
Today is the day we work on strengthening our children and our homes so only the best of feelings preside.It is up to us to change our world by changing our family. Because "the family is central to the Creator's plan". It is time we were the voices that sound louder than unmoral and corrupt.
What are you going to do to take back your family?
"As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."

1 comment:

Kelli Boyd said...

I worry about these same things - I often wonder how, as a mommy with confidence problems, I can ever raise confident children. I suppose the answer is so simple that it feels complex - Pray, listen, and, as you said, look for the good and beautiful things and focus on them. Thanks for posting this, Cayce, it is material that is near and dear to my heart.