Wednesday, June 24, 2009

So I was wondering...

why I feel the need to pretend that all is well especially on my blog. Actually, everything is well right this second but you know what I mean, right? So..sometimes the house is a mess and the kids are crying and have thrown so many fits that I can't even count but does that make me a bad parent? Of course the answer is no (at least i hope yours was a no too.) It just means that it is life. I think it is funny though that few people tell life like it is.
Why? Why this insecurity? I have never said to any of my friends "You did what???!! to your kids?" "Unbelieveable and I thought i knew you!". The fact is that it is impossible to know what someone elses' life is like and what their situation is so who am I to judge them? and...who are they to judge me? But, I think it comes down to more than that for me. I want to be liked. I don't want people to think I am a bad parent or person. Does it also come down to self esteem? I am not sure. ALthough, that would be my guess. Anyway, i want people to think I have things under control and all is well. I don't even like asking for help to take my groceries to the car when I have 3 cartloads...what's that all about?
So, this is just random babbling as I think about my day and the last few days. I have been doing great and have been very comfortable being me but reflecting on the past and ways for me to change now. I can only change me and my attitude and behavior. I can't change anyone else around me (nor would I want to), okay you caught me...I would like some of my kids to be happier in life but that is not under my control. Everyone needs to discover themselves. I find that I do care less and less about what others think or feel the closer I draw to my Heavenly Father. When I am on the "right" path the less the "things of the world" bother me.
I wish that people could get a little glimpse of life through the eyes of a traumatized child. I think many of you would be shocked at what you would see and feel when faced with all of that trauma, angst, and anger. But, these kids need us. They need to feel safe, they are in desperate search of a place to call their own. There is an overwhelming need for foster parents or people that will house a child especially older children. It makes me sad to hear why people won't take these children in their homes. I am not suggesting that it is easy because, it's not. You would be overworked and way underappreciated but you would make the difference in the life of a child. The trials and challenges we have faced as parents to hurt children have made us become stronger as individuals, parents and spouses. We never thought that our lives would have taken the path that they have. The thing that keeps us going and motivated is we are doing the Lord's work here. This is what He would want us to do, take care of his children. We are blessed when we extend ourselves beyond what we thought was possible and keep His vision for us.
I know I rambled about 2 completely different subjects tonight but both I feel strongly about and they are kinda tied to each other. Helping others. Make people feel appreciated and valued for the efforts they are showing. Help them when they can't help themselves. Don't judge unless you have walked a mile in their shoes. Find ways to extend ourselves so that we can become "in the image and likeness of our Father in Heaven".

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